Until the Day I Die
by eloquentfever
Summary: 5 times Sebastian is called a whore & one time he believes it. Threeshot. KURTBASTIAN. COMPLETE.
1. 1

1.

The first time he's called a whore is when he tries on his Mother's lipstick.

It's the first time he's done anything so feminine _Kurt I didn't recognise you wearing boy clothes_– there's a glass bow on the bottle of perfume that he sprays on his body, and the tip of the lipstick is round, and corpulent, and it touches his dry lips, runs over it like a painting – he paints his lips red, and that's just it. He runs his finger down the Minnie Mouse skirt that he's stolen from Annie, and he looks at himself in the mirror. He doesn't feel like a girl, but girls only like boys and he likes boys, an awful lot. He turns to his baby-sister and Danny says something sugary-sickeningly sweet and runs his hand up Sebastian's skirt and Sebastian doesn't remember what it is, but he remembers that he smiles so bright that the sun shatters. His Father finds him, and then he screams out "you're a whore" underneath his breath – Jean's voice is cold, calculating and so full of anger.

Sebastian doesn't really believe him as he washes his painted face. The next time he sees Kurt Hummel, he's walking around with a designer black bag, that is adorned with a glass bow, and Sebastian hates him _until the day i die, Hummel, until the day i die_.

2.

The second time he's called a whore is when his boyfriend finds him sleeping with his best friend.

It's true, he knows, as he feels his boyfriend's guy run his tongue over Sebastian's neck, but he doesn't really care, no, because his best friend's straight, and Sebastian feels powerful and beautiful that he can land a straight man in bed. He moans and slurs whispers and hushed responses and he remembers a hand sliding down his back. His boyfriend's not supposed to be back until an hour later, but he walks in, and he grabs Sebastian by his wrist, practically tearing him apart and his boyfriend's threatening to punch his (_chipmunk-like_) face in.

"You're a disgusting whore," his boyfriend finally says. Sebastian smirks.

Because if he smirks, he doesn't hurt. He doesn't believe him though, because his best friend's the one that runs his tongue down his neck first and whispers God Sebastian you're so beautiful, even if Sebastian's the one that initiates it. The next time he smirks is when Kurt tells him he can't have Blaine and Sebastian hates him _until the day i die, Hummel, until the day i die_.

3.

The third time he's called a whore is when he's on stage, and he's performing and then they throw a bottle at him and it crashes down as hard as possible on his face, and someone says "come on, you whore, get up", Sebastian remembers that night well because all eyes are on him, even if it means that the stage he's performing on is dirty, and disgusting and vile. They call him a lying cheating whore, and Sebastian just laughs, because they're all drunk so that doesn't count at all.

Sebastian feels a man unzip his pants and he's sitting there, and Sebastian screams Blaine's name as he's being fucked. When he opens his eyes, he swears he can see Kurt smirking at him. Sebastian hates Kurt Hummel _until the day i die, Hummel, until the day i die_.

4.

The fourth time he's called a whore is when he wakes up from a dream. He wakes up excited, happy, motivated and thinks nothing can go wrong in his life. His Father crashes down a thousand photographs of him and Sebastian, and Sebastian walks over there. The minute that Sebastian sees his Father, Jean points to the door. It's three am and he tells him to "Go. Leave. You gay whore. Now."

Sebastian figures out that his Father knows he's gay now and kicking him out. That's the second time his Father calls him a whore, but it's nothing, because he's angry and anger does things to a person. Sebastian doesn't say anything back as he nods his head. When he wakes up that morning, he's still in his Nona's house, so his nightmare's real, but the dream's as gone as the sunshine. Sebastian finds a Minnie Mouse mug taunting him on the table. He breaks it, and uses the cracked piece to slide it underneath his arm. His Dalton blazer hides the cut. Sebastian sees Kurt wearing a short-sleeved shirt and his arm's perfect, his skin's perfect and his perfection taunts him. Sebastian hates Kurt Hummel _until the day i die, Hummel, until the day i die_.

5.

The fifth time that it happens is when Sebastian steals a kid's balloon. He doesn't mean to, but she won't stop screaming, so he steals the balloon and tells her he'll only give it back to her if she stops screaming. The kid's Mother says, "who do you think you are, you whore?" but Sebastian thinks she's got no right to say that with how she's dressed like. "You don't steal a kid's balloon. It's wrong."

Sebastian wants to retort that his Father used to take his dinner away from him when he won't stop crying when he was three, but he doesn't and gives the blonde girl her balloon back. She doesn't stop screaming and Sebastian growls. She giggles when her Mother buys her an ice-cream cone. Sebastian's as jealous as Hell when he sees Burt buy Kurt a pack of Skinny Cow 150-calorie ice-cream cones as he passes through the supermarket. He pretends that he doesn't really hate Kurt Hummel _until the day i die, Hummel, until the day i die_.

6.

The sixth time it happens, Sebastian's stunned. Kurt walks in on him with Blaine naked, and Sebastian's pinned underneath him and Blaine's biting at his neck. Sebastian's moaning and withering and Kurt screams so hard. It's not like the time with his boyfriend and his best friend, because for one, he hates Kurt—

"You disgusting whore!"

Kurt rips Sebastian away from the bedside, and Sebastian opens his mouth to protest, but he doesn't, because he finally believes it—sinking in his skin, he's a whore and a lying, cheating one at that, and when Kurt shoves his shirt to him, Sebastian doesn't say a word as he puts it on and leaves. Sebastian feels tears rise in his eyes when he leaves and it's stupid because he doesn't cry when his Father throws him out, when his Mother dies when he's young, when he's found cheating the first time, when he's on that stage with men undressing him with his eyes, when he remembers—he cries when Kurt Hummel finds him underneath Blaine, so Sebastian pretends he hasn't fallen in love. Sebastian loves Kurt Hummel _until the day i die, Hummel, until the day i die_.


	2. 2

_you guys might want to reread the first chapter. there was some formatting problems that are fixed now! swoon~!_

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1.

The first time Sebastian Smythe ends up on a front porch late at night is when he's out drinking with his Paris friends at night, and Pierre decides to fuck Sebastian on his front porch. They don't get caught and Paris is wild and beautiful at the moonlight daze, and Sebastian stares at the flowers in his private garden as Pierre runs his hand down Sebastian's hip and tells him he's the most beautiful thing in all of Paris, and whispers words of _je t'aime_ and _tu es très belle, Sébastian…mon cœur s'ouvre à ta voix_! Sebastian believes him. He believes he's the most beautiful thing in the world.

That is, until Sebastian's staring at the Warblers and New Directions singing Black and White as he crosses his legs, and his eyes meet Kurt's own and he swears that he'll keep every secret whispered by the most beautiful blue eyes in all of Paris, whispering words of _je t'aime_ without even uttering a single syllable so he takes the secrets with him and keeps them in his heart _until the day i die, Hummel, until the day i die_.

2.

The second time Sebastian Smythe ends up on a front porch late at night is when it's his birthday, so he stands there and waits for his Father to come home, but he doesn't, so he calls up Pierre for round two as he slides down against the solid whiteness and swears he's dancing on wooden water. When Pierre comes, they dance, but they're dancing on top of electricity, heat and _lack-of_ passion. Sebastian finds himself conflicted as those two eyes meet, and he swears by the moon that there's nothing as sweet.

Sebastian swears by the moon, the stars, the sun and the entire universe when he steals Kurt's cupcake in spite, and then bites into it. The stars mock him still _this is as close as you'll ever get to him_ and the Earth's still turning and breaking and the sky shatters every time Sebastian sees Blaine and Kurt together and Sebastian swears (notbythemoon, notbythestars, notbythesun, notbytheentieruniverse—butbyhis_blood_) that he hates them both _until the day i die, Hummel, until the day i die_.

3.

The third time Sebastian Smythe ends up on a front porch late at night is when he and Blaine have sex. He stands up at the porch for two hours and twenty-six minutes before Blaine walks home and they're fighting and angry and Sebastian grabs him and kisses him and Blaine tastes so sweet (_notassweetasKurt'scupcake_) and Sebastian swears (byhiscolddisgustinglyingblood) that Blaine loves him back, and even as Sebastian guides him to the bed again, Blaine responds. Sebastian waits to feel alive, waits to feel the sun, the stars, the sky, and all of Paris in one night where Blaine and his' body's touch.

He feels nothing. Blaine breathes next to him. Kurt finds them, and the entire world collides and Sebastian swears (bythemoon, bythestars, bythesky, bythesun, bytheentireuniverse) that he's in so much pain that it'll stay with him _until the day i die, Hummel, until the day i die._

4.

The fourth time Sebastian Smythe ends up on a front porch late at night is when he wants his Father to take him back, Jean laughs in his face and spits, and Sebastian steps away, hearing Jean whisper words about returning to Paris, back to his real home, where his son isn't gay and the world works, and Sebastian snaps back at him and tells him with a cool and calculated voice, "don't step on the front porch then. Pierre and I had sex there, every single night since my fifteenth birthday." He's smirking now, as he leaves. He thinks there's a hint of self-satisfaction in how much sex he has.

The next time he feels the same self-satisfaction is when he sees Kurt refuse Karofsky's offer of them being together after Blaine and him had officially ended, so Sebastian smiles, and bring the plastic cup for him and drinks away the sorrows that stay with him _until the day i die, Hummel, until the day i die_.

5.

The fifth time he ends up at a porch late at night is when he's standing by the Dalton porch unable to walk inside being so drunk out of his mind, so he lies down to rest, and he sees Nick pass by him with a rather sad expression on his face as he sits down beside him and Sebastian pukes on his friend's Dalton blazer and tells him he's never looked prettier in his life, with a sharp snarky smirk. Nick tells him in the moonlight, his eyes are bluer.

Sebastian doesn't think it's true because there's no blue in the sky anymore, because it's stolen by Kurt Hummel's too-blue too-beautiful eyes that shine brighter than all of Paris but he swears (_byNick'ssmilebecausethere'snothingasrealasNickrightnow_), that those eyes are forever implanted in his brain _until the day i die, Hummel, until the day i die_.

6.

The time he _almost_ ends up at a porch late at night is the day Kurt leaves for NYADA. He decides on whether or not to go to Kurt's house and stay at his porch until he walks out so that Sebastian can say something before he leaves and he swears (byhissluttybody) that he really doesn't give a damn if Blaine's there or if anyone's in his way this time tonight. Instead, he walks towards the porch, and just as he's about to walk towards the house and lie against the porch, he turns around and treads through the dark wet ground. He doesn't look back and he doesn't think he will and he swears that all of Paris is crying for him tonight.

Kurt Hummel opens a letter in the airport, and scans through it, sighing softly. "Blaine." He trashes the letter in an instant.

He'll never know because handwriting imitates Blaine's own completely and in it, is written a few simple words_: I swear by your blue eyes that light up all of Paris I love you (__until the day i die, Hummel, until the day i die)._


	3. 3

1.

The first time Sebastian feels like he's in Paris is the night his Father tells him to go help the chef, Antony, bake quiches when he's upstairs having sex with his client's wife. The only reason his client doesn't say a word is because Sebastian lets them fuck him when his Father's upstairs, and this time, the client – whose name is something that beings with a C, or a J, - one of them decides to unbutton Sebastian's shirt when he's supposed to be setting the quiches to cool. The quiches are still in the oven, burn to nothing, and Sebastian really doesn't give a damn, as he lets C or J, or whatever the fuck he says, because his moans are too throaty that he can't say a name. His Father's client isn't gay but a body's a fucking body in the end, and Sebastian's oh-so-good at getting straight people to want to fuck him. He swears (_byhisFather'snonexistenthonesty_) that he's not gonna spread his legs for any other man in the world. That night, he eats five nine-inch chicken and veggie quiches, drinks too much tequila, as his Father angrily spits out that all of his clients refuse to conglomerate their firms together.

Sebastian sleeps with all three of them. After that night of pure Paris, his Father walks in and say all of them mysteriously decide to agree. When Sebastian's kicked out, the conglomerate snaps up into pieces and Jean's begging for Sebastian to come back. He does, and Jean doesn't pause when he hears his son fucking his client upstairs, because Hummel's right in the end. This is what he'll always amount to, _a French whore_ - _until the day i die Hummel until the day i die_.

2.

The second time Sebastian feels like he's in Paris is when he sees Blaine wear an Eiffel Tower shirt, and Sebastian's never felt more like in Paris, even though he's seen the Eiffel Tower in real life and it's not made of black squiggly lines and a glittery heart pin tied to a white shirt. The next time Sebastian sees that shirt, it's on Kurt's body, and suddenly, Sebastian realises how much he really hates Paris _until the day i die Hummel until the day i die_.

3.

The third time Sebastian feels like he's in Paris is when during sex with Blaine, Sebastian decides on looking at the window. His eyes aren't on Blaine, never wore, but his eyes are on the lake beside him – black, glittering with lights, and that's all of Paris looking back at him and mocking him. Blaine kisses his shoulder and Sebastian emits a moan, and Pierre's slurring speeches and C or J, or A or any of his Father's clients are hanging around him like a mist, and his boyfriend's best friend's pushing in him—

There's no electricity, no fire, and he swears (_bysexwithBlaineAnderson_) that Paris lights never really shine as bright as he thinks they do and he swears (_byhisloveforBlaineAnderson_) that there's no fucking light at the end of Paris' tunnel and there never will be _until the day i die Hummel until the day i die_.

4.

The fourth time Sebastian feels like he's in Paris is when he visits Blaine again and sees the picture on his dresser. That day, Blaine rejects sex and that's the first time Sebastian is rejected by someone and he really doesn't care (_excepthedoes_) and he sits there, looking at the frame in front of him – Kurt in NYADA, eating into a cupcake, black coat and all of New York's lights – it looks exactly like the Big Apple stereotypes, except all Sebastian sees is Paris.

The last Blaine's heard from Kurt is over Skype, when Blaine helps Kurt prepare for a French homosexual's act. Sebastian hears Kurt scream a happy "_Je t'aime!"_ over the speaker. He doesn't look back when he pulls the tape recorder. Kurt's voice, whispering _"je t'aime"_ over and over again so Sebastian swears _until the day i die Hummel until the day i die_ that he loves him too _until the day i die Hummel until the day i die_.

5.

The fifth time Sebastian feels like he's in Paris is when Kurt sends Blaine cupcakes and he gives Sebastian all of them because he remembers as a child, the first time he's in Paris, he could've sworn the gruyere cheese is the best thing in the world. Sebastian eats cupcakes for every year that Kurt's in New York, and he still swears (_byhisfuckingloveforKurtHummel_) that that's the only thing that tastes so sweet, because the pills he takes to control his (_oversexualbehaviour?fuckyouDocthat'snotrealandsexaddictsdon'texist_)—the last thing he hears before he falls asleep on empty bitter pills, is Blaine mutter something about "what do you mean I sent you a letter before you went to NYADA? …was it signed…? What do you mean it _looked_ like my handwriting so you just assumed it was me?"

Sebastian swears (_byhisdisgustingself, byhisloveforKurt, byhishatredforhisFather, —_) he's in a nightmare and when he opens his eyes, the black city is staring at him with glittering lights and he can smell quiches made by unaware chefs in his head and there's a faint taste of cupcake frosting on his mouth.

"…the only other person that knows how to forge practically everyone's handwriting—"

Blaine pauses.

"—is Sebastian."

He doesn't hear anymore, because he swears the line goes dead, and Sebastian's just as gone with the line and he swears (_tonothingbecausehe'snothing_) that he won't fucking live _until the day i die Hummel until the day i die_.

6.

The time Sebastian realises what Paris is it's not the big city lights that glimmer from underneath him, not how everything reminds him of quiches, or cheese, or how sometimes he gets lost in sights or sex, or love, and stereotypes. Paris is Kurt. Paris is the suitor that can't get away with Juliet, and Romeo fucking swears () that he loves Paris with all of his heart even though he hates him too. And he swears that "je t'aime" mean as much as blue eyes and not-too-blue skies, and he swears that he doesn't really care if he's a whore unless as he's a whore from Paris.

"Sebastian, Kurt tells you to pick up the fucking phone—"

He swears (_byhisbody_) that he won't. He picks it up anyway. "Yes?"

"…you wrote me a letter claiming you love me until the day you die?" Kurt's voice shows disbelief, and he doesn't understand anything as he hears Kurt breathing on the other end of the line. "But you hate me and want me to rot in Hell—you just told me that yesterday!"

"I do."

Sebastian shuts his eyes, and feels tears searing in his eyes. Kurt's in NYADA now, working with his Father, aspiring conglomerate businesses, and he feels the need to choke because sex isn't enough and nights of too much tequila and quiche hurt, and—

"Sebastian."

"I have to leave."(_ihavetodie_)

Kurt's voice is barely a whisper. "Remember when you spotted me in Blaine's Effiel Tower shirt? …you hated it so bad. You looked like you were going to throw up."

"I did."

"Lovely visual," Kurt rolls his eyes. "…we'll always have Paris then."

"You've never even _been_ to Paris."

Kurt takes a deep breath. "Sebastian, you're different."

"You mean a whore," Kurt twitches and that's the second time Sebastian believes he's a whore. "Don't sugar-coat it, Hummel. Leave that for those cupcakes that Blaine's dumped on me to eat. Fucking trying to make me fat."

"Yes, sir."

Sebastian feels like Paris' lights are all in his heart right now. "Sebastian?"

"Yeah?"

"Why did you sleep with Blaine?"

"Because I can."

"Oh," Kurt doesn't even ask. "…you hate me." He repeats.

"I know."

"I'm not gonna go back to Lima," Kurt suddenly states, and Sebastian can feel the heaviness in his chest. "We can't be together."

"I know," Sebastian's voice is a bit more forceful.

"I have to go—"

"Say it." Sebastian cuts him. "Say it, because I notice it too."

"…what are you talking about?"

"Fucking say it now, Hummel, or I'll rape your ex-boyfriend. Then you can leave, and I don't fucking care if we don't see each other for the rest of my life." (_butidocare_)

Kurt sighs, but he notices the anxiety in him.

"I swear…by how much you love me that…" Kurt's voice is soft, like a moist too sweet cupcake. "…je t'aime aussi."

Kurt closes the phone. That's the last time Sebastian talks to him.

Sebastian mutters something insignificant under his breath that sounds like "je t'aime" and it hurts so bad but he just takes a deep breath. "Je t'aime…je t'aime…"

_until the day i die Hummel until the day i die_—

_Too late. I'm already dead on the inside. Must've been the sleeping with your boyfriend thing._


End file.
